I have a guy renting a room in one of my rooming houses.

He struggles to walk and uses a wheelchair most of the time. So he needs a place that is handicap-accessible.

He's living off of social security, so can't afford an apartment.

He's a sex offender (got caught for online stuff)

He's in his late 60s, so struggles with technology. The only way he found me was a buddy who turned over rocks looking for him.

When he moved in, he paid for a rent-a-center-style wheelchair ramp to be installed and told me he'd be staying forever. All good though, right?

No--an ex-girlfriend reached out who wants to get out of a bad situation, so she wants to come up from Georgia to live with him.

She also is on a fixed income and can't budget.

She has a dog.

His plan is to pay his buddy to drive down and bring her back. Then they'll rent an extended-stay hotel while they look for a place together.

How many red flags can you count? What do you think of his chances of success? Is there any way to talk this knucklehead out of jumping off the cliff?

A friend recently extended a tenancy for the last roommate in a tenancy. Giving him 2 months time to find another place and move. Two months turned into five. So I gave this person notice and began eviction proceedings.

It is tough to not care. I have a very strong ‘Mom’ personality, and I love to help people. Have to remind myself frequently that other people have a Mom, and I’m not it.

It helped me to hear from a former tenant that when I kicked their hot mess out, it turned out to be the best thing for them. They decided to read that book RB recommends. Ya know, the one written by Steve Growaset. Some people are too old to Growaset, maybe RB knows of another title, one about facing facts, lowering expectations. Wasn’t there a SNL skit about lowered expectations in the 1970s? That was in regards to dating, but I am seeing plenty of people with delusions of grandeur. Might not be the right term, but autocorrect suggested it, and I’m being too lazy to think harder, lol!

As a female, I am the exact opposite. Really because nobody ever gave me a break when I was struggling. Had to pull myself up by my bootstraps. No help from parents, friends, family, child support. And if I can overcome hardship, everybody can. No excuses.

Why would you be the one who can finally make him see sense? He is in his late 60's and more than likely has been jumping off of cliffs his entire life, ignoring any attempt to talk him out of it. He didn't end up where he is by making a lifetime of good decisions.

If you talk him out of jumping off this cliff, he will find another cliff to jump off. This is not a person who wants any good advice.

In fact, I would wager a couple of bucks that his response would be an indignant "I know what I am doing!"

Robin, you already gave him an enormous second chance at life when you agreed to rent to him when everyone ese had enough sense to turn him down.

Seriously, it is probably not a great idea to give anyone a second chance and if they blow that, really really do not give them even more chances.

Cut the cord.

This story is identical to about 20% of the people I meet that come into the homeless shelter. I often ask them what they learned from the events of becoming homeless and get a blank stare back. They are clueless that their actions caused their predicament.

I retired from the military as a Senior Chief. As much I routinely wanted to help someone not make the same foolish mistakes that I and other had made, the truth is they are adults allegedly. You may provide the most incredible guidance, but does someone want to hear from a fatherly figure (or motherly for that matter).

I had 5 pair of slacks I bought my son several years ago, he lost weight. They were a weird size 42 x 34. Not many people wear that. They were nice, some still had tags, I paid way over 30. a pair but I digress. I advertised them on FB Marketplace, a guy wanted 3 of them, I made the mistake of asking my "tenderhearted" daughter to deliver them, since it was near her residence, next county. She had to come over her for something else anyway.

Fast forward to today, she gave the guy all 5 pair for 30.00, it was supposed to be 10. a pair. When I said, well that is one way to get me to not involve you in my deals! She said she WAS PLANNING ON GIVING ME THE DIFFERENCE OUT OF HER OWN POCKET!

IOW, that is the way some people are, either too simple or too good hearted to make it in this world. I was going to let her keep the money, but now I don't know.

What fretted me, he didn't want or ask her for the other 2, she left them with someone where he works!

No, I don't think you could & agree with others.

Most probably, you are well off that he plans to make his big mistake elsewhere. When I started reading your post, I assumed that he was trying to get her into his room with him at your place.

This sentence got me a little..."He's in his late 60s, so struggles with technology."

Umm...I'm almost 70. I started working "in technology" as soon as it was available, early 80's. I used IBM's early machine in the days BEFORE PCs then moved on to them. My husband is in his 70's. He was a network engineer in the early days of LANs if you remember them. He was a macro writer for law firms. He was a certified network engineer selling to the federal government.

Technology is not new - it is decades and decades old. And it is not just for the young. My kids actually know less about technology than we do - they can USE it but they don't know the back story on anything.

I got started much later than that. We had a new class when I was a senior that was for IT. It involved using an Apple computer, green screen. Floppy only.

I remember probably in '89 getting my first computer. It was a 286-16. I upgraded it to have one meg of memory on board. I bought a 40 meg hard drive for it and my buddy exclaimed how I would never even get that thing filled.

Need to upgrade my current PC as it isn't good enough for Win11 and my virus package stopped updates for Win10.

I used to build computer systems but now I don't even know where to begin or where to go.

Back when I was building them I would get a new one at least once per year, usually more often than that.

Can't remember how long I have had this one. It is slow enough that I can't upgrade to Win11. I don't remember how much RAM I have or what speed or type the processor is.

Not a fan of Win11. Craftily built in all sorts of ways to get more money out of users. I'd like to trash my new Win11 computer and new ipad that I really hate.

Signing up for tech one on one help to get better with what I bought and system I don't care for. Got the info from a current older tenant who is a teacher and used it for help during so she could teach her students online during Covid.

I know I don't want Win11 but I also don't want to get old or fat and I can't seem to stop that either.

I know I don't want Win11 but I also don't want to get old or fat and I can't seem to stop that either.

Thank him for his tenancy. Remind him that your rental agreement is for him only. You are considering his informing you of his plans as a thirty-day notice to vacate premises. He will tell you he has no place to land when he leaves.

Tell him he can always stay in a van down by the river.

3 years ago I f*d up my life big time and woke up to a crisis. I was never a reader, but bought close to 50 books in last 3 years, seeing therapists.. Learned great deal about trauma and attachment.. Learned great deal about why I f*d up that bad and started to turn things around.. I am 55 btw, late but grateful that I had the crisis.

Once you understand the basic of how human stuck in 7 year old and why they can't move on, you will have a much easier time to deal with the situations without being sucked into it.

Robin,

"Online stuff" and "struggLes with technology" ??

Sounds like he knows enough.

SHE found him.

Xes is a powerful drive.

You're a good person and you've done your part.

People come, people go.

BRAD

Mike,

I am assuming that many of the people in the shelter that give you a blank stare back when questioned about the events of becoming homeless are not clueless about the causes of their predicament. I am assuming that most of them have encountered helpers who are in someway into poverty porn or feeding their egos at the homeless person's expense. As someone who is experienced in marketing and people management (as many real estate investors and landlords are), you might be able to guide the homeless charity in their intake procedures or servicing procedures so as the information that is requested from the shelter's homeless clients is more likely to be received. If the question about the prior events is just asked cold and without any context as to why the information is needed or how it will be used, the homeless person (or any person that you are dealing with in a business or social context) is justified at shutting off the person asking the probing question. Most of the people on this forum do this when we get those annoying "we buy houses" calls.