I have yet another RE investor friend getting a divorce. This is the 3rd one in 5 years. This young man is still in the aggressive growth phase of investing and has two little kids and a sweet young lady that he will be divorcing.

My wife and I teach a biblical marriage course so I've been trying to analyze the commonalities among these 3 to see if there is some lessons we can learn. Here's the short list I've come to: 1) the guys are totally focused on growing their business, 2) they put in lots of hours in sweat equity days, evenings, and weekends, 3) they were so focused on the future they ignored the needs of their loved ones today. In two cases, the wife was involved in the business. In one case they grew apart over three or four years until she found another guy to pay attention to her, the other two just separated and got/getting a divorce without another involved. I also know that all 3 of these couples were happily married at one point.

That is too bad. My wife has been my landlord partner for 52 years. At 4:00 am i once told my wife “the couple that seals grout together stays together” Three hours later she had to teach school and I had to go to the manufacturing business i owned.

I am by nature a workaholic and so rental properties as a second job was a good fit. Many years ago I came across the scripture verse in Proverbs 23:4 (NASB) which states, "Do not weary yourself to gain wealth, Cease from your consideration of it." As a result, I have tried to be more balanced in my home/work life. Home life should always be a priority, but there will be times when work will need some extra time but it shouldn't be for very long.

I've seen many people get divorced over the last few years and none have been real estate investors. The divorces have happened for various reasons. Many years ago, it used to be the man who would file for a divorce, but in the last 10-15 years I have noticed it is the women who are filing for the divorce. In the cases I am familiar with, the men had not cheated on their wives.

Careful, or pretty soon all of those young people who "don't want to work" that everyone here is complaining about will be quoting Bible scriptures on why they don't want to work themselves to death. Then what will we do??

/s

Their courting process has been so bad that 3 women didn’t know that he was going to work a lot? They married an entrepreneur when they wanted a civil servant?

I think we have a fear of being poor again, so we have worked pretty hard. I'm slowing down a bit now and reflecting on life more. Luckily I have a gorgeous and smart trophy wife with 4 degrees that I can sponge off in my old age. ;)

In 18 years we've never had a cross word. We "make" arguments, we don't "have" them. She grounds my raving lunacy. And we have fun together. We are considerate and supportive of each other. Oh we don't always agree, but I've learned the rules of a happy marriage. Take out the trash without being asked, every meal is the best one you ever ate, and your wife is always right! ;)

The other night we watched "On Golden Pond" on youtube. We had to laugh. That's us these days. Just not quite as old, and I can still remember the way home, to my rock and foundation.

I think not having to worry too much about money helps. And living in a somewhat rural area, we don't have the stresses urban folks encounter. Our neighborhood is locked in the 50's. The kids play hopskotch on the sidewalk, and leave their bikes in the driveways for their parents to run over. ;) Everyone waves if you are out walking. Our home looks out over our town and 6,000 ft mountains beyond. It's about as close to Mayberry as still exists. Which is why we are still here.

In six years I can't recall anybody here divorcing. When we lived at the beach it was non-stop drama and revolving door neighbors and their ex-spouses. I was on the "F" list and had uber-rich celebrity "friends." We shopped on Rodeo Drive and Melrose, partied at the "Abby," regularly cruised the galleries in Laguna and flew to Catalina for lunch.

I think I posted about it here way back, at one point our expenses were pushing $20,000 a month! I made like $450k after taxes on flips in 2006, and we were barely staying solvent. Dave Ramsey would have had a stroke. I owned an airplane - but it wasn't enough, my neighbors had jets!

I saw a lot of unhappy people and ugly divorces. Often due to infidelity and finances. But I think the overall stress of "success" is a big contributor to personal relationship failure. You are expected to be "on" all the time. Failure is not an option. It wears you down. Then people grow apart and stop relating to each other.

Ah what do I know, I'm a philosopher not a marrige counselor. LOL

Hard work is good and has it's place.

Smart work means you don't work hard at the wrong times.

Like so many things in life, I think it all comes down to managing expectations. If hubby was already a workaholic when he met wifey, then they need to deal with that during marriage counseling, and if they can't then they should not get married. People don't change much once they are adults, and banking on being able to do that has disappointed many.

However, if you're like me and didn't pick up the real estate fever until after you were already married, then it comes down to always checking in to make sure everyone's on the same page and has buy in.

There is a great Scripture that speaks to this, though somewhat indirectly. Being "equally yoked" describes that state of faith between spouses. You're either pulling together in your faith or it's pulling you apart as one partner tries to drag the other along into something they have zero interest in and maybe even some hostility. The same concept is true for any major undertaking, whether kids, or career, or real estate investing.

Always talk. Always make room for candid dialogue. Check in frequently to make sure everyone's on board.

The irony is these hard charging guys work so diligently to build a solid financial future, then probably lose half their assets in the divorce plus have to pay child support and alimony. That's just plain stupid in addition to being cruel.

If all else fails, the old truism... "Happy wife, happy life."

I am thinking the best option is don't ever get married?

Most won't sacrifice putting things off until they can afford to buy something for cash! Instead they want instant gratification now, thus going into debt.

Not Landlords!

I remember my friends laughing at me for driving a used 1971 Dodge Dart Custom. So at Friends New Years party one person asked what did I do with my money stead of Leasing a nice car. Everyone went silent. I said I purchased another Single Family House. They said what was it, a 2 bedroom on a main street in Watts? Nope, I said this one is in Woodland Hills on a side street, 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom a separate Den, central air conditioning, 1570 square feet. They were silent. Another said you can't drive a house. I agreed, but if I'd sell it after 5 years, I'd make around $100,000 -- enough to buy 3 or 4 cars for cash!.

I found myself being gone and missing too much of my family time. I didn’t enjoy being gone. I hated missing games and lazy Sunday mornings with the family. At the same time I was getting burned out working both my normal 9-5 job and spending a good chunk of my free time on the rentals.

I finally listened to the several people here who preached to “take the tools out of the truck.” It has been extremely hard for me to know stuff needed done that I could do and even tougher writing the checks for stuff I could do myself.

I still catch myself doing an odd job here and there and still hate writing the checks for easy things that need done. But I have a great deal of my family life back now. The older I get the more I realize trading money for time is an awesome deal.

I really wish I had more of life's answers. I don't. I was the divorce class of 2021. My wife who works at a liberal school saw the COVID-19 as an opportunity for financial equality for the less fortunate. Too a certain level, I can see that, but free hand outs just doesn't seem like the answer.

I can tell you one thing not to say - financial literacy and education are the ways out of poverty. Where I absolutely believe that is true, don't say that to someone who works at a semi ivy league school. Where I might be saying something that a game of Cash Flow might teach - what will be heard will be that her school doesn't teach it.

I scratch my head.

I think the key is having a full discussion about goals and money and what it will take to get there. If your spouse doesn't buy into that and/or doesn't share in the goal, then you really either shouldn't be married or married to them. Rather than go through the wreck of a divorce, you'd be better off alone. The very nature of starting a business is all consuming.

Building a business is like another marriage that one has to spend time with. Often it's very difficult to do that, be married and have kids unless your partner fully buys in. That doesn't mean necessarily being involved in the business but at least supportive and understanding of your effort.