Overfriendly tenant (by Kennethromantic [MA]) Feb 24, 2019 8:21 PM|
Overfriendly tenant (by Robert J [CA]) Feb 24, 2019 8:27 PM
Overfriendly tenant (by Barry [MA]) Feb 24, 2019 8:51 PM
Overfriendly tenant (by JB [OR]) Feb 24, 2019 9:28 PM
Overfriendly tenant (by plenty [MO]) Feb 25, 2019 4:52 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by Busy [WI]) Feb 25, 2019 5:24 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by Bit [IN]) Feb 25, 2019 5:33 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by fred [CA]) Feb 25, 2019 5:35 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by Paulio [PA]) Feb 25, 2019 5:40 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by AllyM [NJ]) Feb 25, 2019 5:50 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by S i d [MO]) Feb 25, 2019 6:02 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by Busy [WI]) Feb 25, 2019 6:40 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by Oregon Woodsmoke [ID]) Feb 25, 2019 6:45 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by Oregon Woodsmoke [ID]) Feb 25, 2019 6:50 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by Busy [WI]) Feb 25, 2019 6:57 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by RR78 [VA]) Feb 25, 2019 7:00 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by Roy [AL]) Feb 25, 2019 7:24 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by S i d [MO]) Feb 25, 2019 7:35 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by Busy [WI]) Feb 25, 2019 7:50 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by GKARL [PA]) Feb 25, 2019 8:44 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by RR78 [VA]) Feb 25, 2019 9:13 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by Busy [WI]) Feb 25, 2019 9:49 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by Landlord ofthe Flies [TX]) Feb 25, 2019 4:59 PM
Overfriendly tenant (by Tom Selleck [FL]) Feb 25, 2019 6:41 PM
Overfriendly tenant (by bob [NH]) Feb 26, 2019 7:32 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by AllyM [NJ]) Feb 27, 2019 6:10 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by Busy [WI]) Feb 27, 2019 7:45 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by Laura [MD]) Feb 27, 2019 9:51 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by Ray-N-Pa [PA]) Feb 28, 2019 5:10 PM
Overfriendly tenant (by Cjo’h [CT]) Mar 3, 2019 11:48 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by NE [PA]) Mar 3, 2019 11:50 AM
Overfriendly tenant (by JB [OR]) Mar 3, 2019 3:52 PM
Overfriendly tenant (by Cjo’H [CT]) Mar 10, 2019 5:43 PM
Overfriendly tenant (by Cjo’H [CT]) Mar 10, 2019 5:59 PM
Overfriendly tenant (by Kennethromantic [MA]) Posted on: Feb 24, 2019 8:21 PM
First, I am a 75 year old widower, with no interest in any kind of a romantic relationship with anyone. Nevertheless I am absolutely certain a "lonley" single tenant, who 20 years younger, feels very much otherwise about ME.
Hence, my seemingly complicated question is: How do I give her the brushoff and "boot" her without hurting her feelings and the feelings of our numerous mutual friends and old neighbors in our tight community.... ?
Thank you for any and all guidance --173.48.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by Robert J [CA]) Posted on: Feb 24, 2019 8:27 PM
I don't have to tell you that mixing business with pleasure is a NO-NO in the rental business. Nothing good can come from this.
A few times tenants have come onto me. One tenant thought that she would then get "free rent" if we broke up as a consultation prize.
I let her know that instead of living in my three bedroom Beverly Hills rental, I'd let her have a nice single (no bedroom) unit in either Boyle Heights or the South Side (slum areas) -- at reduced rates.
She lost interest and never approached the subject again. --47.156.xx.xx
Overfriendly tenant (by Barry [MA]) Posted on: Feb 24, 2019 8:51 PM
Cant be done without future trouble!!! Back out now, hopefully before getting any more involved than you already are!!!! --173.48.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by JB [OR]) Posted on: Feb 24, 2019 9:28 PM
Kenneth, I'm with Robert here. Let her know that you are flattered for the attention but that you cannot become involved with any of your tenants. --24.20.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by plenty [MO]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 4:52 AM
You establish your boundaries. Never be in their company alone. There is a book called "Boundries" --99.203.xx.xx
Overfriendly tenant (by Busy [WI]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 5:24 AM
So, the ‘mutual friends’ in your tight-knit community are also pushing this agenda?
Appently, you are not the landlord, but just another tenant. A landlord would not have mutual friends they are worrying about offending, but would be concerned with vacating tenants. Any landlord that got themselves this far into personal mutual friends relationships would have created a whole mess for themselves. I would advise that landlord to move, put the property into the hands of a property manager.
Remember how Mr. Roper lived in the same building as the rest of the three in Threes Company, but, Mr Roper wasn’t a part of the group of friends? He was friendLY, but always the manager. IF you are actually the manager, time to stop being part of the tight-knit community. Let your tenants remain tight-knit, but, you need your friends elsewhere. In the rental building, you should not be part of the group, or this stuff will continue.
Overfriendly tenant (by Bit [IN]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 5:33 AM
Just tell her that you are on the verge of bankruptcy and have negative net worth. That will take care of it! :) --74.130.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by fred [CA]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 5:35 AM
Well said above.
While there is nothing wrong for a LL to be friendly, it would be very wrong to be friends with the tenants.
Tenants who are trying to befriend you have only one thing on their mind - financial gains and benefits. Back out while you can. --99.59.x.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by Paulio [PA]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 5:40 AM
If you have no interest in a romantic relationship with ANYBODY, then you simply tell her. Any reasonable adult would understand, including your friends. It might be a little different if you were seeking a partner, but didn’t like her specifically, but that’s not the case. I think someone’s feelings get hurt when they lose out to another person, not when they lose out to a philosophy (for lack of a better word). --50.107.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by AllyM [NJ]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 5:50 AM
Unless she is touching you, you are probably mistaken. She may think you need attention or help or just some kindness. Many men mistake such womanly kindness as trying to start a relationship. One day I asked my old neighbor years ago if he would help me get a sparrow out of a downspout on a property adjacent to his. He started on the, well you know I'm married and there is quite an age difference. I explained that I couldn't move a gutter by myself and he did help me and the sparrow emerged from the downspout in good shape. Men all think they are attractive and that women are hitting on them. I think it comes from their early years of being ignored by women who were "out of their league". So any attention they get seems like a flirt. If you don't look like Tom Selleck or one of the old quiz show hosts, she is just being kind. I will say one thing, some women only know one behavior around men and that is the only way they communicate which does cause issues. That would be a woman who did not have a father. Now go look in the mirror. If Tom Selleck is not looking back, you have your answer. --73.248.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by S i d [MO]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 6:02 AM
How about, "No, thank you. I am not interested in a relationship."
Honest, direct communication is always best.
If she and your other friends/neighbors can't take that, it is time to find a new tenant, new friends, and possibly new neighbors. There are plenty of non-psychotic people in the world to have as friends/neighbors. No need to hang out with a group of meddling busy bodies who are travel agents for guilt trips. --173.20.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by Busy [WI]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 6:40 AM
Oh Ally, I am laughing so much. Tom Sellack really is the standard, isn’t he? Swoon!! --70.92.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by Oregon Woodsmoke [ID]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 6:45 AM
If it is just at the stage where she is batting hey eyelashes and flirting and if you aren't actually dating, then start dropping "my fiancee and I are........" into the conversation.
"I've got to get finished early because I promised my fiancee I'd take her to lunch". That sort of thing.
Don't do it more than 2-3 times. It should not be mentioned in every conversation because your relationships are none of her business.
A spouse can be use as a social shield and you don't have one, so use your imaginary fiancee. --98.146.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by Oregon Woodsmoke [ID]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 6:50 AM
I do agree with Ally, to the extent that it is true that too many men misinterpret friendliness as a desire to get into their bed.
However, it is also true that some of the elderly ladies can be quite aggressive in their desire to be married.
OP just needs to be professional and not encourage her in any way. But it would be awkward if he gave her the back-off talk when she is simply a friendly person. --98.146.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by Busy [WI]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 6:57 AM
Kenneth, giving this some more thought....
At your age, it’s time to enjoy life, and friends where you can find them. Wondering here, if selling the property to an LLC, (different than the one it’s in now, Ok, not sure of any tax implications, so consult professionals. Lawyers, CPA on transferring ownership) get the property out of YOUR name, and have the property managed run entirely by Property Management company. Tell the other residents you sold the property, and now are just another tenant.
You would, of course, still OWN the new LLC, but are kept completely out of day to day operations, and other tenants would have no reason to see you as anything but just another resident. Use Bit’s advice and tell her you are broke, had to sell. She wouldn’t need to know you own that LLC , just in a new name.
Disclaimer- I would NEVER in a million years be able to pull that off, by the way. I cannot ‘keep stories straight’ when it comes to pulling off a con. Just not in my DNA, I guess. ( I have an odd compulsion to tell everything. Gets me in trouble often. I have to work at controlling it.)
Or, another option would be to move to another landlord’s building, where you can be relaxed, just one of the gang. Wouldn’t have to wear a landlord hat when you go home at night, but could enjoy commeraderie of fellow residents at you home. --70.92.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by RR78 [VA]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 7:00 AM
Seems to be sort of common from what I have heard. Just something to consider if you have assets.
I have a good friend and neighbor that is also a recent widower. Retired Colonel about your age. He was surprised and confused by the number of women that all of a sudden wanted to be friends.
He made no mention of this to anyone, was just a little surprised by the number.
But he was finally called into a meeting by some retired couples in the military community. He was told about this problem and to be on the look out for this. Again he had not mentioned it to anyone and did not think it was a big deal.
That a lot of women in their 50’s are going after older military officers. Looking to get married. Don’t expect the men to live much longer and then there is a way they can still get part of the retirement pay and health care for the rest of there lives. And they assume a officer also has a fair amount of assets.
They said people look at older women in their 50’s differently and assume they all have good intentions.
Now I am sure this does not apply to all women. But evidently common enough for my friend to receive a warnings.
Overfriendly tenant (by Roy [AL]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 7:24 AM
Based on some the replies here, it would seem all inter-personal relationships after the age of 50 only revolve around MONEY or ASSETS. Someone please tell me this is not true. Do people marry for love and companionship anymore? --68.63.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by S i d [MO]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 7:35 AM
I think people still do marry for love after 50; however, considering that most young people have no substantial assets it probably doesn't get mentioned as often.
Back in the day, people married for love, but they also needed to address practical considerations since social welfare wasn't as generous as it is today. That probably hasn't changed much, so if Social Security isn't enough to live on, a person will probably want to marry someone who is going to add to their ability to survive and thrive vs. a leech who will suck them dry.
Older folks tend to have a lot more wisdom than your average 20-something "starry eyed lovers." I think they're just applying what they've learned.
Ultimately, I don't think it really matters why two people get married as long as they are open and honest with each other about their WHY and stick to the promises they make to each other. Deception is wrong, as is bailing out when the going gets tough. Rough times are when we cleave together and fight thru the storm.
I'm old-skool...marriage to one lady, for our lifetime....
Curious, are you looking to find yourself a pretty land lady? --173.20.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by Busy [WI]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 7:50 AM
No, no, no Ray. The women didn’t say that at all. The men did. Some of the men.
This ‘interested tenant could be loaded. We don’t know. But, women are generally nurturing, caring people. We want people to be included, have friends.
I’m well over 50, if something happened to my dear husband, if I didn’t follow him right away, I might look for companionship, and, iI’d want my husband to do the same. But, I doubt I would marry again, just live together, maybe. It is lovely to have another old coot to sit and gripe about the weather, help get socks on when the back is achy, someone to hold yer hand when the driveway is icy, or the doc has bad news. Doesn’t hurt neither if the other old coot has fiddley bits one can ...fiddle. Even if those bits are now low beams ...or..low hanging fruits. *grins* And, we’d (husband or meself,) look for someone who can make us laugh, especially at ourselves.
Roy, the point is landlord / tenant relationship needs to be kept defined and confined. The friends with benefits has no part of that. But, Kenneth could work things out so he is NO LONGER the landlord where he resides, so he can enjoy companionship on peer to peer terms. Maybe he changes where he resides, it’s up to him. --70.92.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by GKARL [PA]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 8:44 AM
This issue rarely comes up with me and if it does, I react in a manner that's not insulting but very clear where I stand. My situation is different in that I'm married, but that doesn't stop women from trying. I don't even engage tenants nor neighbors around the tenants except on the surface and keep it moving. My places are in close urban neighborhoods that are almost like small towns and most everyone knows everyone. I don't want to be a part of the mix, so I keep a distance from everyone. If you think she's hitting on you, no telling what everyone else is talking about. For all you know, the grapevine may have you two together. Best way to handle it is to squash it in no uncertain terms. --64.121.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by RR78 [VA]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 9:13 AM
Busy, no it was not really the men.
It was really more of the women / wifes that were the ones that called the meeting and warned him.
And he is decorated army officer that has been a close friend for 30 years and believes in old values. I have never known him to lie. Due to go back to his home town next month to be grand marshall in some parade.
Anyway he would have laughed it off. But has been a daily member of a large gym we have in town for 20 years.
After a year from the time his wife passed.Women that have been going there for years. All of a sudden are now approaching him to start a conversation and inviting him for coffee. He usually may just say hi to someone but gets on with his workout.
And most research and studies do show that men look for beauty and women look for power/social and financial resources.
Not necessary my experience but not something I pay attention to.
Overfriendly tenant (by Busy [WI]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 9:49 AM
Oh, sorry RR78, when I saiid ‘it was the men, some of the men’ I had as referring to Roys’ observation that posters in this thread felt all interpersonal relationships after 50 all revolves around money. I was meaning to say some of the men felt that way, The women posters generally thought he was imagining, or had not kept defined boundaries.
Sorry RR78,I wasn’t responding to your observations at all. Just to Roy’s . Trying to steer back to Kenneth’s issue of poorly defined LANDLORD boundaries. Doesn’t really matter AT ALL how women and men approach older relationships. I am sure there is a forum for that. The problem, as I see it, is that Kenneth is concerned with ‘the feelings of mutual friends in a tight community’. Kenneth is the landlord, or, he posted on the wrong forum. A LANDLORD is NOT a peer of the tenants, should NOT be a part of the tight-knit community, in this over 50, former military person’s opinion, who KNOWS how to establish a boundary. --172.58.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by Landlord ofthe Flies [TX]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 4:59 PM
You used the old "Sparrow in the gutter" maneuver. Every man knows that ploy. No wonder he thought you were flirting with him.
Tell her your boyfriend would be jealous if he found out. --108.69.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by Tom Selleck [FL]) Posted on: Feb 25, 2019 6:41 PM
[blushes] Thanks, Ally.
- Tom --70.92.xx.xx
Overfriendly tenant (by bob [NH]) Posted on: Feb 26, 2019 7:32 AM
Very interesting, but it could be worse! My similar experience and involvement is with a FORMER tenant, who claims she "misses me desperately" over a year after she moved back into her parent's residence.
Frankly, as a happily married man, her virtual stalking of me not only bothers me and my wife, but now embarasses me - and we honestly don't know how to handle the situation.
PS any Help would be sincerely appreciated! --173.48.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by AllyM [NJ]) Posted on: Feb 27, 2019 6:10 AM
bob, NH, were you fatherly toward her and gave her advice? Just tell her that your wife is taking issue with her contacting you and you suggest she find another older man to talk to and confide in. End of problem --173.61.xxx.xx
Overfriendly tenant (by Busy [WI]) Posted on: Feb 27, 2019 7:45 AM
Bob, NH, virtual stalking? End all social media contacts with this individual. Block phone number. Even if she is ‘somehow’ part of your social circle.
OR, let your wife have any interactions with her. There is a huge gap out there of ‘fatherly’ and ‘ motherly’ advice out there. No one mentors anymore. Parents don’t mentor their OWN kids anymore. I am amazed at the adults I know who expect the school system, sports, to provide all leadership for their kids, and the parents just want to be friends with their kids. So, there are two or three generations out there, running around lost, looking for leadership, mentoring.
But, if your wife takes this young individual as a ‘pet’ project, be prepared for the young woman to be really, really clingy. That seams to be another component of these leaderless generations.
Me? I would delete, block, exspunge. Wash her out of my life. Be firm , as Ally said. --70.92.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by Laura [MD]) Posted on: Feb 27, 2019 9:51 AM
I would put something in writing and create a documentable written trail of telling her you have no interest in anything but a professional landlord/tenant relationship. I would always have someone else present during any contact with her. --108.51.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by Ray-N-Pa [PA]) Posted on: Feb 28, 2019 5:10 PM
As the leader, it is your job to set and enforce standards and limits.
Overfriendly tenant (by Cjo’h [CT]) Posted on: Mar 3, 2019 11:48 AM
Ken,even though you say you are not interested your mind can play some unimaginable tricks on you , look at the character on FifthAvenue who thinks he’s the president .Get real!........Charlie............. --32.214.xxx.xx
Overfriendly tenant (by NE [PA]) Posted on: Mar 3, 2019 11:50 AM
Let it go Charlie. --50.32.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by JB [OR]) Posted on: Mar 3, 2019 3:52 PM
I strongly second NE's last comment. --24.20.xxx.xxx
Overfriendly tenant (by Cjo’H [CT]) Posted on: Mar 10, 2019 5:43 PM
Yeah NE and JB, your probably right! Coming into St.Patricks Day ,time to concentrate on the Irish Soda Bread ,no matter how bad it tastes,have to try to bake it myself,that too could be a catastrophe........Charlie..........still better than the corned Beef kick.......... can you shed any light on that?......Hope some one can....... --32.214.xxx.xx
Overfriendly tenant (by Cjo’H [CT]) Posted on: Mar 10, 2019 5:59 PM
Bob, just talk to the girl,after all talk is cheap........... Charlie .......where I come from,we call it Blarney,even in Northern Ireland........even in Connecticut --32.214.xxx.xx