So I have a girlfriend 53 yrs old. We have been on and off for the last three yrs. We have a great time together except when she drinks and gets upset because of my womanizing. She is retired from a state job but she adopted two little girls from a family member. My children are grown with the exception of my 16 yr daughter who to be honest I sometimes don't even like,...of course I love her but she got a sorry attitude that gets the best of me at time. this girlfriend seriously wants me to commit but I really just don't want to be tied up in relationship with just one woman.

If it's the monogamy portion of it that's deterring you, then it's time to let her go and start over. When you're "dating", it's acceptable to date mulitple partners. However, after three years a committed relationship should be implied.

If it's the commitment portion of it that's deterring you, then as long as both you and her are happy and monogamous, then I can't give you a good reason to get married. I don't know you or your beliefs, but IMO marriage is nothing more than a state sanctioned religious ritual.

If both of you aren't 100% committed for a lifelong commitment, then marriage is just going to be expensive and painful.

I have the utmost respect for the institution of marriage and will hopefully be ready again. My starter marriage at 21 left a bad taste in my mouth, so my opinion may be biased lol.

Dan

As a woman, I'm really interested in this thread because 99% are male responders.

When I was in undergrad, I was in a serious relationship with a guy. We got along great. We were best friends from Day 1 of Freshman Orientation. We planned to get married after we graduated. We looked forward to our future. Things were awesome.

Except every six-to-nine months, he'd get cold feet for some mysterious reason. He'd break up with me. I'd cry. We'd be split up for a month or two, and then we'd get back together and everything would be hunky-dory until the next time.

The biggest favor he ever did me was telling me to my face, "I love you, but I don't want to waste my time dating only you."

That was exactly what I needed to hear. When he tried to get back together with me, per our pattern, I didn't want anything to do with it. (Later, I found out that he had neglected to break up with his high school sweetheart back home, who also expected to marry him when he graduated. So whenever he'd go home for vacations, he'd feel all guilty. By the time we were through, there were another two girls in the mix...)

I found someone else who was able to give me what I wanted in a relationship-- because while I thought he was enough for me, I obviously wasn't enough for him.

Our 18th anniversary is coming up later this fall.

Dan,looking back on your problem,no not analyzing it or anything,just thinking,perhaps your daughter doesn't like the fact that you are paying more attention to this lady,than to her,would that ease the situation,just a little,and where is your 16 Yesr old daughters' mother in this scenario................charlie.................got to play fair in order to get treated fair....................................

David,Back on the farm in Northern Ireland my father kept a mother pig and several younger pigs,They were all very selective with whom they associated.............

You probably should read up on common law marriage in Texas. There are some things you should not do or you may find yourself (or your heirs) defending why she doesn't already get half of your assets.

You said "commit" only question is how close or far is the institution she wants to be commited to? Yes commit her-- you should also seek help-- maybe a week or 2 at the same place. It might help you.

Real estate portfolio aside. Lots of women think they can change a person by marrying them - wrong. You admitted womanizing while dating - well that is a lousy thing to do. You both should not be together for those specific reasons. PERIOD. Do both of you a favor, break up and don't go back. You apparently have other women that keep you busy.

You don't like your daughter at 16 years... well, that is a tough time for kids, they a need a parent to guide them and it doesn't look like you are a parent to help her. Your "womanizing" is not something a 16 year old should have to sort out.

If she has sole custody of two little girls she has no business being out dating. How does she have time? She needs to put those little girls first in her life. Not trying to find a man.

Why would you want to be saddled down with this woman and her kids anyway? She's looking for daddy and a sugar daddy. Those kids have likely been through a lot of emotional trauma and will have issues to deal with as they get older. Yikes. Why would anyone want to step into that picture? You don't want to be a dad to these kids and you don't want to be her new income source.

So, is there a landlord question, or were you just in the mood to over-share your Dr Phil moment with the world?

For HER sake, not yours, I hope you break it off. We don't have the whole story, of course, but from the little that we have, I can't help feeling like SHE is getting the bad end of this deal if you stay together...

- John...

thanks WMH

That's what I love about this site and have been a member then most on here....dating back to 2001. I might have been member maybe 100. Anyway so I lost like twelve properties in my first marriage, what's crazy is that I loved being married but she had other ideals for our money so I had to cut our loses. today I actually like being single and dating other women but like most women after we go out and sleep with them they think its on....Sorry girls that's not the way it works anymore in my world. And no im not a pig we actually have a great time with whomever im with at the time. Nice breaks.

As for my daughter will her mom European (Spaniard)so she is being raised with more of liberal slant and my conservative views don't mix well with her at this age. She alright most will understand and not blow out of proportion.

Absolutely, don't do it! Marriage is for the young and for the splitting of assets in the end. As a man who has also "given away" half of his homes, I am in no hurry to do it again.

Give me one reason (other than...Cuz she wants to.) that marriage is a good idea at your age and economic status.

Every woman I have dated, since my divorce, has professed their "love" and asked for a commitment. I think I'm a pretty decent guy, but the odds are that there is more to those request than my "rustic" looks and stellar personality. ;)

Funny thing is, I was perfectly happy and monogamous w each of them, until that conversation poisoned the relationship. It is a sign of the end.

Don't do it!

1Gr81,

Hence my response that he please break it off with her for HER sake, not his. She's not losing anything here...

- John...

I don't get all the harshness towards Dan. Sounds like he knows who he is and freely admits it. Have to admire someone who admits their faults.

She gets upset with his "womanizing" meaning he's not being secretive about it. He'd be doing himself as much a favor in dissolving this relationship as he would her. Who wants a needy woman who isn't happy with you the way you are? Or a woman with such low self esteem that she's ok with his behavior?

Oh good....The name calling part of the internet has found us here. Great. :/

Interesting thing to say in this thread -- a thread about people no longer wanting to get married, wanting to have multiple partners and "womanizing", and so on.

I've seen a LOT of the same people that like to shout that "society is degrading" say it is because of exactly the above -- the fact that no one wants to get married any more, wants multiple partners, and so on.

How quickly we change...

- John...

John (MI) I would, genuinely, like to hear your "defense" of marriage, as it stands in today's society. As a LL w assets.

If you have some additional time, I would like for you to help me understand how name calling isn't "degrading society".

To quote the wisdom of renowned, philosopher and comedian, KT Tatara, (Paraphrased)....

"Women are attracted to men who are...older than them, taller than them, smarter than them, makes more money than them.....(These are attractive qualities.) That means that a guy... is dating women who are....younger than me...shorter than me...dumber than me...poorer than me..."

Tell me again why I should marry?

I understand how the "idea" of marriage is considered "sacred". HE##, I even fell for it myself. That being said, I am also reminded of the quote...."You know baby,,,this thing we got is going really well...Why don't we get the government involved."

Don't marry her.

You are not obligated to do anything at this stage of life but to be true to you

Tell her at this time in your life you just want have a couple years as a single but dating man.

Kindly let her know that you would like to experience total freedom.

and

perhaps you will feel different and have a steady in a few years, but frankly you don't feel actual marriage is in your future.

.

Perhaps she's considered more security for her golden years.

Some study a few years back stated that most men married down the ladder (money, age status) and most women up.

1Gr81:

I didn't say anything about the defense of marriage actually. I simply pointed out that a LOT of people have argued that the "degradation of society" (that you mentioned related to name calling) was also caused by the degradation of "marriage" being important. I just thought it was ironic that you said that -- since I think a lot of the pro-marriage people would say the exact same thing for a different reason.

That being said, I actually agree with you that the name-calling is related to a "degradation of society." We don't disagree on that.

All I said from the start related to this thread was that I hope he leaves her too -- simply because they clearly have different views of things. He calls her his "girlfriend", but admits to seeing other women. Most people in a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship would consider that cheating.

If he doesn't see it as cheating, then I stand by my opinion that, for HER sake, he should break up with her. Because, to her, it is very likely seen as cheating. And that isn't fair to her.

He can do whatever he wants as far as marriage go. As long as he is fair and clear and honest with whoever he is currently "dating."

- John...