First, I am a 75 year old widower, with no interest in any kind of a romantic relationship with anyone. Nevertheless I am absolutely certain a "lonley" single tenant, who 20 years younger, feels very much otherwise about ME.

Hence, my seemingly complicated question is: How do I give her the brushoff and "boot" her without hurting her feelings and the feelings of our numerous mutual friends and old neighbors in our tight community.... ?

I don't have to tell you that mixing business with pleasure is a NO-NO in the rental business. Nothing good can come from this.

A few times tenants have come onto me. One tenant thought that she would then get "free rent" if we broke up as a consultation prize.

I let her know that instead of living in my three bedroom Beverly Hills rental, I'd let her have a nice single (no bedroom) unit in either Boyle Heights or the South Side (slum areas) -- at reduced rates.

So, the ‘mutual friends’ in your tight-knit community are also pushing this agenda?

Appently, you are not the landlord, but just another tenant. A landlord would not have mutual friends they are worrying about offending, but would be concerned with vacating tenants. Any landlord that got themselves this far into personal mutual friends relationships would have created a whole mess for themselves. I would advise that landlord to move, put the property into the hands of a property manager.

Remember how Mr. Roper lived in the same building as the rest of the three in Threes Company, but, Mr Roper wasn’t a part of the group of friends? He was friendLY, but always the manager. IF you are actually the manager, time to stop being part of the tight-knit community. Let your tenants remain tight-knit, but, you need your friends elsewhere. In the rental building, you should not be part of the group, or this stuff will continue.

Well said above.

While there is nothing wrong for a LL to be friendly, it would be very wrong to be friends with the tenants.

How about, "No, thank you. I am not interested in a relationship."

Honest, direct communication is always best.

If it is just at the stage where she is batting hey eyelashes and flirting and if you aren't actually dating, then start dropping "my fiancee and I are........" into the conversation.

"I've got to get finished early because I promised my fiancee I'd take her to lunch". That sort of thing.

Don't do it more than 2-3 times. It should not be mentioned in every conversation because your relationships are none of her business.

I do agree with Ally, to the extent that it is true that too many men misinterpret friendliness as a desire to get into their bed.

However, it is also true that some of the elderly ladies can be quite aggressive in their desire to be married.

Kenneth, giving this some more thought....

At your age, it’s time to enjoy life, and friends where you can find them. Wondering here, if selling the property to an LLC, (different than the one it’s in now, Ok, not sure of any tax implications, so consult professionals. Lawyers, CPA on transferring ownership) get the property out of YOUR name, and have the property managed run entirely by Property Management company. Tell the other residents you sold the property, and now are just another tenant.

You would, of course, still OWN the new LLC, but are kept completely out of day to day operations, and other tenants would have no reason to see you as anything but just another resident. Use Bit’s advice and tell her you are broke, had to sell. She wouldn’t need to know you own that LLC , just in a new name.

Disclaimer- I would NEVER in a million years be able to pull that off, by the way. I cannot ‘keep stories straight’ when it comes to pulling off a con. Just not in my DNA, I guess. ( I have an odd compulsion to tell everything. Gets me in trouble often. I have to work at controlling it.)

Seems to be sort of common from what I have heard. Just something to consider if you have assets.

I have a good friend and neighbor that is also a recent widower. Retired Colonel about your age. He was surprised and confused by the number of women that all of a sudden wanted to be friends.

He made no mention of this to anyone, was just a little surprised by the number.

But he was finally called into a meeting by some retired couples in the military community. He was told about this problem and to be on the look out for this. Again he had not mentioned it to anyone and did not think it was a big deal.

That a lot of women in their 50’s are going after older military officers. Looking to get married. Don’t expect the men to live much longer and then there is a way they can still get part of the retirement pay and health care for the rest of there lives. And they assume a officer also has a fair amount of assets.

They said people look at older women in their 50’s differently and assume they all have good intentions.

Now I am sure this does not apply to all women. But evidently common enough for my friend to receive a warnings.

Roy,

I think people still do marry for love after 50; however, considering that most young people have no substantial assets it probably doesn't get mentioned as often.

Back in the day, people married for love, but they also needed to address practical considerations since social welfare wasn't as generous as it is today. That probably hasn't changed much, so if Social Security isn't enough to live on, a person will probably want to marry someone who is going to add to their ability to survive and thrive vs. a leech who will suck them dry.

Older folks tend to have a lot more wisdom than your average 20-something "starry eyed lovers." I think they're just applying what they've learned.

Ultimately, I don't think it really matters why two people get married as long as they are open and honest with each other about their WHY and stick to the promises they make to each other. Deception is wrong, as is bailing out when the going gets tough. Rough times are when we cleave together and fight thru the storm.

I'm old-skool...marriage to one lady, for our lifetime....

No, no, no Ray. The women didn’t say that at all. The men did. Some of the men.

This ‘interested tenant could be loaded. We don’t know. But, women are generally nurturing, caring people. We want people to be included, have friends.

I’m well over 50, if something happened to my dear husband, if I didn’t follow him right away, I might look for companionship, and, iI’d want my husband to do the same. But, I doubt I would marry again, just live together, maybe. It is lovely to have another old coot to sit and gripe about the weather, help get socks on when the back is achy, someone to hold yer hand when the driveway is icy, or the doc has bad news. Doesn’t hurt neither if the other old coot has fiddley bits one can ...fiddle. Even if those bits are now low beams ...or..low hanging fruits. *grins* And, we’d (husband or meself,) look for someone who can make us laugh, especially at ourselves.

Busy, no it was not really the men.

It was really more of the women / wifes that were the ones that called the meeting and warned him.

And he is decorated army officer that has been a close friend for 30 years and believes in old values. I have never known him to lie. Due to go back to his home town next month to be grand marshall in some parade.

Anyway he would have laughed it off. But has been a daily member of a large gym we have in town for 20 years.

After a year from the time his wife passed.Women that have been going there for years. All of a sudden are now approaching him to start a conversation and inviting him for coffee. He usually may just say hi to someone but gets on with his workout.

And most research and studies do show that men look for beauty and women look for power/social and financial resources.

Not necessary my experience but not something I pay attention to.

Oh, sorry RR78, when I saiid ‘it was the men, some of the men’ I had as referring to Roys’ observation that posters in this thread felt all interpersonal relationships after 50 all revolves around money. I was meaning to say some of the men felt that way, The women posters generally thought he was imagining, or had not kept defined boundaries.

AllyM:

You used the old "Sparrow in the gutter" maneuver. Every man knows that ploy. No wonder he thought you were flirting with him.

Kennethromantic:

[blushes] Thanks, Ally.

Very interesting, but it could be worse! My similar experience and involvement is with a FORMER tenant, who claims she "misses me desperately" over a year after she moved back into her parent's residence.

Frankly, as a happily married man, her virtual stalking of me not only bothers me and my wife, but now embarasses me - and we honestly don't know how to handle the situation.

Bob

Bob, NH, virtual stalking? End all social media contacts with this individual. Block phone number. Even if she is ‘somehow’ part of your social circle.

OR, let your wife have any interactions with her. There is a huge gap out there of ‘fatherly’ and ‘ motherly’ advice out there. No one mentors anymore. Parents don’t mentor their OWN kids anymore. I am amazed at the adults I know who expect the school system, sports, to provide all leadership for their kids, and the parents just want to be friends with their kids. So, there are two or three generations out there, running around lost, looking for leadership, mentoring.

But, if your wife takes this young individual as a ‘pet’ project, be prepared for the young woman to be really, really clingy. That seams to be another component of these leaderless generations.

As the leader, it is your job to set and enforce standards and limits.