listing (for fun) (by Hammer [TN]) Jul 16, 2018 6:51 AM
listing (for fun) (by Vee [OH]) Jul 16, 2018 7:16 AM
listing (for fun) (by Hammer [TN]) Jul 16, 2018 8:53 AM
listing (for fun) (by Ray-N-Pa [PA]) Jul 19, 2018 4:19 AM
listing (for fun) (by Deanna [TX]) Jul 19, 2018 8:08 AM
listing (for fun) (by Hammer [TN]) Posted on: Jul 16, 2018 6:51 AM Message:
Just for fun... Here is an actual listing from a local FB rental group.
Please feel free to translate LOL>
ISO Cheap place! $284847
I am currently in a 1 bed room apt with 4 adults and a 3 mo old. I am even interested in a fixer upper. As long as rent is reduced or taken off while being fixed up. Desperate. Don’t have money right now for a down payment. Starting a corrections job on the 23rd.
--137.119.xxx.xxx |
listing (for fun) (by Vee [OH]) Posted on: Jul 16, 2018 7:16 AM Message:
I will try -
in a 1bed = (nearly lowest cost unit)
4 adults = lot of freeloading friends
interested in fixer-upper = has cable to watch hgtv
take rent off while fixing up = will never finish anything and rent will be unpaid a very long time, have to locate and download the segment for what we doing this week (or month)
don't have money = the supplies will not be paid for further extending the no rent period, see above
starting a job soon = no time now to finish (or begin) repairs further extending the free rent period
This is the type tenant you want in yor place, but only to clean it out - lockup daily and in a week or 2 the walls will be down in rubble piled in the rooms - ready for rehab job by slightly better trained person/s, the 23 is coming fast - get the labor now... --76.188.xxx.xx |
listing (for fun) (by Hammer [TN]) Posted on: Jul 16, 2018 8:53 AM Message:
Here is my translation:
Looking for something cheap: so I can use any money I come across for drugs or to finish that cool face/neck tattoo I have been spending the previous LL's rent money on.
Any dump will do as we are being evicted on the 22nd. Fixer upper is fine since we are used to living in filth having reduced our previous apartment to rubble.
Desperate: the police are looking for me and the other 3 adults are mad that i owe them so much money which they need to pay their dealer, parole officer and to keep the Playstation 1200 from being repossessed by the Rent-a-center. If I can sucker someone into taking us in, then I will disappear into the corrections system on the 23rd leaving you with 3 deadbeats and an infant of undisclosed parentage to deal with.
Don't have money for down payment right now: See My cool face/neck tattoo ? That's your security deposit and first months rent and it was very expensive so you know I must be a high income earner thats just a little short of cash right now..... So when can we move in? --137.119.xxx.xxx |
listing (for fun) (by Ray-N-Pa [PA]) Posted on: Jul 19, 2018 4:19 AM Message:
Translation -
Everyone deserves a home to live in - These folks deserve my competitors place. --72.23.xxx.xx |
listing (for fun) (by Deanna [TX]) Posted on: Jul 19, 2018 8:08 AM Message:
My handyguy stopped by for his check today, and we were chatting about some of the renovations on the slate for next year. I told him he hadn't seen such-and-such address yet... turns out he had. (Little old lady wanted a rent house for income. Her husband was a plumber, and her son and grandsons were jacks-of-all trades. Her husband died before fixing it up. What renovations she did need to be totally gutted and done properly. Ownership was getting in the way of her Medicare payments, so we bought it as a favor, not because it was all that and a bag of chips.)
Anyhow, this same little old lady used to own another house elsewhere. There was a little shack in the back that was barely good enough for storage. She rented the outbuilding to some people for $150/month. It had no electric, so she ran an extension cord out back. It had no plumbing, so they ran the garden hose to make the toilet flush. The City finally figured it out when the people living in it applied for food stamps and local programs and stuff... and had to put their address down... and they put down an address that was already set up for food stamps and local programs and stuff. So they fined her for not paying for the extra sewer stuff, and cut off her benefits, even though she claimed she wasn't getting any rent-- but the tenant had her receipts. Both buildings were ultimately dozed for failure to pay taxes, and were so rough no one bothered to buy them on the courthouse steps.
Anyhow, while I'm standing here listening to him tell his story, I'm thinking-- I'm doing it all wrong! Forget clean/safe/functional, and putting $20-$30k into a $450-$500/month house! I can just have a shack with an extension cord and a garden hose and get $150/month! :P
(My polyurethane is curing. It's a day off! Yay!) --96.46.xxx.xx |
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